Tomorrow is a fairly big day for me and my DH. A few people know what’s happening at 2:30pm on Tuesday the 15th. So, I suppose, here’s the big announcement.
I’m seeing a surgeon. Because. There’s. A. Lump.
Prepare for brutal honesty here.
I don’t know what just happened inside that head of yours as you read that. I know what happens inside my head when someone says it to me. I try to be brave and positive and say, “hey now, it’s just a lump, it could be fatty tissue or a cyst or.. . ” really? Who are you kidding? When you read those words, you take a deep breath, mutter, OMG, picture me bald and then start telling yourself that’s crazy, it’s just a lump. How do I know that? I’ve done it myself. . over and over. Every time I’ve had a friend, a co-worker, a parent from the school, a lady from church or a mom down the street say it, I’ve done the same thing and then glossed it over with all the positive talk I could muster.
I give you permission. . .BUT
Only if you give me permission too.
I think it ‘s quite natural to let your brain jump to the next step, think it through, move on to the next step. . etc. I think we’re wired to pre-think and be prepared for just these circumstances. This happens enough in our lives, that in our private thoughts, we often think through what we would do if the Dr.were to come in, pull up a chair, hand over a box of tissue and whisper that phrase. We don’t like surprises, we don’t like being caught off-guard, we DO think about the worst possible scenario and try to determine how to handle it. . just in case.
That’s ok. . really, it is. But my DH has a favorite phrase around here: “Don’t pick up that bag until it’s yours to carry.”
So, here I am. . with this “bag” sitting in the corner, with a big “C” on it. I’m not picking it up.
I’m waiting to visit with the Dr. tomorrow. I’m not wanting to wait for a biopsy, more tests, more ultrasounds, mammogram views. . . GET IT OUT OF ME. We’re going to really press the Dr. to excise it. Then you can take your time and freeze it, slice it, dice it. . serve it in a pie. I don’t care, just freakin’ get it out of there. After that, if you need to hand me the “bag” to carry. . WATCH OUT! That bag will be bedazzled, diva’d and turned into a thing of beauty and I’ll be carrying it with me wherever I go. Pink is my FAVORITE color.
Challenge accepted. . bring it.