I found this quote today and felt it was appropriate.  My health has deteriorated over the past few years and I am NOT going to let that continue.  I’m not going to keep “patching leaks” and placing band-aids. Things must change. . .

I posted last week about some of the immediate changes I had made to improve my health and I’ve even surprised myself. . .I’m more committed to this today than when I first started.  That’s not characteristic of me.  I’m a quick starter, less follow-through.  You have a project for me?. . great!  Let’s do that!  But, a few weeks in, I’ve been distracted by the next new idea.

In the past week, I’ve tried to eat fresh, organic, home-spun meals and have been quite successful.  We went to dinner one night at Dodge City Distillery and I will admit to you all that I ate some deep-fried haystack onions.  My BG numbers were up that night, and hovered awhile. I learned my lesson.  I’ve also been to Oklahoma Joe’s, AMC Fork & Screen movie theater and Minsky’s Pizza this week.  However, my choices were MUCH better than before.  A green salad, a plate of hummus and veggies and Chicken Tagliata (Veggies sauteed in olive oil) were my choices and I had no issues with my BGs.  YAY!  I’m REALLY grateful my better food choices are leading to better diabetes control.  I have surgery coming up at the end of February and the better I manage my diabetes, the better I’ll heal.

So. . on to the other changes we’ve made toward becoming a greener, healthier home.

I tried making my own body wash. . didn’t like that recipe, so I’ll try again.  Once I perfect that, I’ll share the recipe with you all.

I made my own dusting spray, which smells really great and leaves the whole room smelling clean with just a hint of lavender.  I’ll post that recipe later too.  I need to find the original author to properly credit them.

Today, I made this AMAZING toothpaste as instructed by “Crunchy Betty.” I’ve scoured this website for all sorts of information and have really liked many of the recipes she’s come up with.

Toothpaste:
3 Tbsp coconut oil
3 Tbsp baking soda
25 drops peppermint oil
1 packet of stevia
2 tsp vegetable glycerin (optional)

Place the ingredients in a bowl and mash it all up with a fork until blended.  It really does form a nice “toothpaste” consistency.

Crunchy Betty states that she placed hers in a jar and dips her toothbrush in it each time.  I thought, just in case DH wants to try it too, I’d try to make it as toothpaste-like as possible.  I formed a cone with waxed paper, as my mama taught me for cake decorating, and pushed the toothpaste down into the tip.  I rolled down the remaining waxed paper and VOILA!  TOOTHPASTE!

I never realized it was so hard to take a picture of your own hand, squeezing toothpaste onto a brush!

This is made with baking soda, so there is a definite baking soda feel and taste, but you can also taste a hint of coconut from the carrier oil and the peppermint essential oil is just yummy. I did use it this morning, prior to buying the peppermint oil and while it worked and tasted fine, I did miss a minty feeling and taste.  I’m so glad I added the peppermint, it is just the kick it needed.

Why am I messing with such things?

• Well, for one, it will save us some money.  The ingredients sound expensive at the beginning, but when you see how little you use of each of item, it will absolutely be a cost savings.
• More importantly. . these are all natural, organic ingredients. You know that warning on the label that says you can’t swallow the toothpaste? Supervise children while brushing and teach them to not swallow it?  Yeah. . .no worries here.  You can actually eat this if you were so inclined.
• Deliberate-This is my word for the year.  I can either continue my old habits without thinking, using the same products over and over without ever reading a label.  Or I can be DELIBERATE about my health.  I WILL deliberately look at what I ingest, I wear, I wash with and make sure that it is healthy for me.  God gave me this ONE body and after this past year of cancer, diabetes, surgeries and side effects, I plan to be a much better steward of His gift.

Let me know if you try this recipe. I’d like to know your thoughts.  What products have you replaced with more healthy, or organic versions?

What I mean by that, is that B & D have both faced cancer, as well as both sets of grandparents.  Really, the kids are genetically destined for such a fate, however, D works very hard to change that predisposition.

I used to listen, albeit with a half-closed mind, to her explanation of why certain foods were bad, how she ground her own flour from actual wheat, and how Diet Coke would be the death of me.  Well, she wasn’t that dramatic, but I didn’t really listen with a learner’s heart.  However, now that I, too, have faced cancer and diabetes, and I have to look death squarely in the face each day, I find my heart’s door sliding open.  Actually, it’s not been a slow, creeky-door type of open, it’s pretty much a slam it open so hard it hits the wall and bounces back to slam you in the face kind of  ”open.”

I spent Tuesday through Friday in their home and I listened as she shared information she’d learned from a nutritionist, as well as flipped through some books she had read.  I was amazed.  My daughter, L, has also tried to tell me some of these same things. . but I hadn’t really heeded her words either.  So, D & L, this is my formal apology for not paying attention earlier. I’m sorry.  You were right.

Here are a few of the changes I’ve made in our home since my return:  (some of these suggestions were based on her consult with her nutritionist and were prescribed for battling inflammation. I took the suggestions into my own food plan to see if it would help with my neuropathy. Doesn’t hurt to try.)

We threw out all the plastic containers we’d been using to store food and purchased glass storage and some newer plastic which do not contain BPAs.  BPAs are bad for you. . very bad.

I got out a big bag of Stevia in the Raw, which is made from the stevia plant and is actually a natural sweetener that isn’t toxic to my body.

I pulled the old cast iron skillet out of the cupboard and pushed the teflon coated versions back.  I had no idea that teflon contained pfcs which were reported today as keeping vaccines from working properly.  Vaccines build antibodies. . .problems with antibodies. . hmmmm and diabetes is an immune disorder.  I must look into this further to see if there’s any link between pfcs causing autoimmune disorders.  Besides, the old cast iron skillet may just help with some of this anemia I’ve been battling too.

I purchased almond milk, which is only 2gms of carb per serving. . much better than cow’s milk.

I’m eating raw nuts, 3X a day.

I’m eating legumes, 3X a day.

Nothing fried, nothing processed.

I’m drinking water, mostly.  I ran out of caffeine free diet coke and did not buy any more when I went to the store yesterday.  I do have an occasional decaf coffee. . but, not as much as before.

I filled my fridge with organic fruits and vegetables.  They cost a bit more, but I can be sure that I’m not adding pesticides and the like to my already weakened body.

Instead of McD’s for breakfast, I made myself a green smoothie: spinach, banana, strawberry, blueberry, protein powder, almond milk, cinnamon. YUM. I was completely satiated and felt fine until lunchtime.

I’m starting to read labels of cleaning and personal products.  If I can’t pronounce it, it’s not touching me. I’ve purchased the ingredients to make my own laundry soap, dishwasher soap,  toothpaste, deodarant, shampoo and body wash, etc.  At least I’ll know what’s in it.  Have you ever looked at a shampoo bottle?  Wow!  I can’t pronounce anything past the first ingredient. . which is water.

It’s only been a few days, but I already have results.  Before I went to visit them, I had been using upwards of 100U of insulin a day.  The week of the visit until today. . I’m using half of that.  No spikes, no 250+ flatlines that refuse to budge.  I’m feeling so much better, and happy knowing that I took some control over my health and my own body.

When I was first misdiagnosed with Type II Diabetes, I followed the food plan with OBSESSION.  I remember a friend, S, a PWD Type 1, saying, “I wish I could eat like a Type II, I’d probably do better.”  That’s been in the back of my mind ever since.  I know I can eat what I want as long as I cover it with insulin.  I’ve learned that.  And occasionally, like last night, I will join in and eat something sweet or fried, but I promise, NO FRENCH FRY IN THE WORLD TASTES AS GOOD AS A 120 BG feels. .really.

Now, I think I need to rethink my basal rates because I keep crashing overnight again.  hmmmm

So, thanks to D, my nephews and nieces have a head-start in beating disease.  They are learning to eat healthy, be careful of the household and personal products they use and they will be running circles around their peers for a very long time.  AND. . thanks to D, I feel like I have a little more control over my own health, well-being and fate.

**Please remember. . my diabetes and cancer treatments are my own.  Your results may vary.  I only offer this information as it has helped me.  Please consult your physician before making any dietary changes.**

I didn’t hear about it until late in January last year, and just let it pass without a second thought.  This year, I keep running into references of this idea and it has started to really resonate with me. Here are some of the people who have used this New Year’s idea and how they make it work.

Ali Edwards is sort of a scrapbooking rock star.  I’ve learned alot about journaling, art and seeing my world, just a little differently from her.  http://aliedwards.com/2012/01/one-little-word-2012-the-reading-of-the-words.html

I didn’t know until today, when I googled the phrase “one word,” but apparently, this has grown enough that someone has started a whole webpage, just devoted to it. http://myoneword.org/

Here’s where I originally heard about it: http://www.klove.com/blog/post/2010/01/27/My-One-Word.aspx

Just so you’ll know. . I used actually links, rather than embedding them so you could refer back to them if you need.

So. . .to continue. . .I’ve thought about this more this year, but no one word really came to mind.  In reading Ali’s blog, she suggests writing down a lot of words that mean something to you and one will really pop out and resonate with you.  It should feel like, in Harry Potter, the wizard doesn’t choose the wand, the wand chooses you.  I forget about it for a few days and then it happened.  My word chose me.

My brother-in-law is a Pastor and I frequently listen to his podcasts. He really is thoughtful and insightful and I enjoy his teaching very much.  His latest series is, Deliberately Touching Jesus.  I hope you’ll go listen, just click on “podcast” above.

I was cleaning the kitchen this morning and listening to this series and it suddenly hit me.  Deliberate. Deliberate is my word for 2012.  I want to be deliberate about the things I do; all the things I do.

I want to be deliberate about:
touching Jesus
touching others
loving
caring
supporting
creating
rebuilding
renewing
refusing
accepting
becoming

As my radiation oncologist stated last week.  We’re finally finished “killing” me.  It’s time to rebuild.  As I stated in a previous post, “___ is like cancer”, I hope the physical rebuilding is a far second to the inward rebuilding.  As they reconstruct my body, may I reconstruct my heart to be more compassionate, loving, shaped into HIS image.

I’ve shared this with all of you now, it’s up to you to hold me accountable.

Be Deliberate.

. . .and I’ve had a lot of time and opportunity to reflect.  There’s been plenty of fun this year. . along with the battles.

January-I had a cast removed from my right wrist.  That was a celebration. . certainly.  I also said good-bye to my daughter L as she moved back to Utah. I’m so proud of her, it was difficult to see her leave.

 February-we had a D-Meetup at a restaurant called Jazz.

Bob, Jess, Kim, Jon, Me and Scott

And yet another meetup. . we drove up to see Kim. Then, there was Valentine’s Day. . which is always such a highlight!

March-I was diagnosed with breast cancer. . we’ll just go on to April.

April-Mom and I attended a Princess Diana exhibit and high tea with her Red Hat Society friends. What an elegant afternoon, spent with fun people.

May- I was able to attend some softball games and reconnect with N, one of the girls I used to coach, as well as a former teammate of my daughter’s and her former high school coach.  What a great day. . enjoying the sunshine and catching up with people we love!
This is also the month of our anniversary and DH surprised me with a beautiful bouquet of flowers.  We are so happy together and I am so grateful for him. . every. single. day.
May is the month we held the Wigging Out party and DH surprised me by flying our two girls in from out of state.  It was so nice to have all four of our girls there to help me through this very rough time.
L was still in town when I went to my monthly scrapbooking club, and she joined me, my mom and mom’s cousin at the class.  I love being crafty with my family.

In June, my lovely MIL came to visit and worked tirelessly in my yard to make it a beautiful place to relax and enjoy. I also celebrated my 2nd diaversary by eating a giant, double-chocolate cupcake! Take THAT Diabetes!

July-We attended a balloon festival in our hometown. It was a whole weekend of being amazed by these giant, colorful balloons.  DH and I were also able to spend time in Seattle.  We absolutely LOVED Seattle!  We were able to see the original Starbucks, we’re big fans!  We also visited the Sci-Fi museum, the space needle and rode the ducks out in Puget Sound.  We rode the ferry, drove up to a beautiful waterfall, and went on the Boeing tour.

August-I FINISHED chemo! What a celebration!  WE went out for a big salad bar dinner, which had previously been forbidden.  This was also the month we participated in the Susan G Komen walk. This was such a healing day for me.  To  participate in the  Survivor Parade did so much for me. . to hear everyone cheering, clapping and high-fiving us as I rode in my wheelchair was amazing. I  felt that I could finally, physically hear and physically feel the cheers and high-fives of all those who have been so supportive of me this year and I just got so emotional.
We also traveled to Utah and spent some time exploring and visiting with loved ones.  We rode the Heber Creeper and really relaxed.

September-this month started off with Diabetes Art Day and I had to participate. I really love being part of the diabetes online community and reflected that in my art piece.
For my birthday, DH rented a convertible for me to drive around for a couple of days.  I spent time out at Olathe Lake, just sitting in the sun,  looking at the water and enjoying the quiet.
I also took a trip to visit our daughter and her BF, J&K. It was a nice, relaxing time getting more acquainted with K and laughing at their pups. While there, my DH was working a few hours away and we were able to meetup half-way between for dinner.
I was also surprised, when arriving for my monthly scrapbook Club, they had all worn pink, had pink ribbons on and helped me celebrate my victories, thus far.  These women are so fun, and it really helps me forget some of the nastiness each month.
Finally, on the 22nd, I had my double-mastectomy, lymph node dissection and insertion of tissue expanders.

October started with another surgery for a post-operative infection.  However, that initial rough time did not last long.  The day I was released from the hospital was the same day Simon flew in from Australia and SIMONPALOOZA was ON!  I had 20 people flood into my hospital room that morning to surprise me and, surprised I was.  It will always be one of my best memories, ever.
October ended with yet another D-Meetup, this time in our home.  Sir Bob cooked up a storm and we all enjoyed his culinary gifts.

November-I was able to follow DH to PA for work.  I was thrilled to meet so many of the people who have prayed for me and supported HIM while at work this past year.  I was also excited to meet two of my rock stars. . Lee Ann Thill and Kelly Kunik.  These two ladies write two of the blogs I first started reading after my diagnosis and I have looked up to them ever since.  This was a great afternoon and I’m grateful they were able to take time to meet with me.
We also celebrated another World Diabetes Day and found ourselves even more involved.  DH lined up the contacts for me to contact to request our city to light a monument blue for the month.   I died my hair blue, had several friends wear blue in support of me and the DOC, and we found plenty of ways to celebrate.

December-I fought through radiation. I have some pretty, lovely burns to show for it.
Christmas has been wonderful. B came home from college and it’s been fantastic to have her home. E has been cooking up a storm and, gratefully, sharing her creations. J&K and pups came for a visit, and while I wasn’t strong enough to do much, we did take ‘em to the movies in the cinema suites.
We were also able to host another Dmeetup and meet a new couple. I’m sorry she’s got the “D”, but I’m sure happy we’ve all found each other.

So. . here we are. . 2012

A new year

A new resolve

A new chance

A new opportunity to get healthy

I’d like to be more involved as a health advocate, in both diabetes and breast cancer forums. I’ll be participating in a presentation this week with the JDRF and hope to have more opportunities like that.

I’d like to be better about blogging this year. I wasn’t able to find much info online about people with diabetes AND cancer. I feel that it’s my responsibility to share my journey so the next person has an idea of what to expect.  I hope my experience is helpful to someone.

I’d like to get back to work this year.  I’m hoping that my Drs. can release me to work early this year.  I’m expecting another surgery, probably early February. . so, perhaps by the end of that month or early March. . keep your fingers crossed.

I’d like to repay the kindnesses and support I received by doing so for others.  This felt like a “receiving” year. . 2012 will be a “giving” year and I’m so excited to jump in and begin!

Happy New Year to all of you!  Thank you, Thank you, Thank you for all you’ve done, all your comments, all your encouragement this past year.  2012 is going to be EPIC!!

This is quite an interesting report.  Thanks to those who commented and drove traffic to my site by including me in your blogroll or quoting my blog in your posts.  This has been a crazy ride. . .I’m glad we’re entering the station to exit and try another.

Here’s an excerpt:

A New York City subway train holds 1,200 people. This blog was viewed about 4,300 times in 2011. If it were a NYC subway train, it would take about 4 trips to carry that many people.

Click here to see the complete report.

This has been a busy week; making candy, baking, sharing dinner with friends, kids coming home, buying gifts, making cards. . on and on. . but oh, so fun.

One bit of disappointment; I thought 6 weeks of radiation = 30 treatments, which would mean I’d be done on the 30th.  I will actually be finished on January 5th, after having some “boost” treatments.  If I understand this correctly, I will have some fantastic artwork drawn on my chest on Friday, the 23rd. I hope Dr. C. is as talented as an artist with a sharpie as he is in the area of radiation oncology. This helps the technicians properly focus the new, high-powered beams.  On Wednesday, the 28th they will change my treatments to a higher dosage, but more focused on just the incision area.  This will allow the other areas to begin healing.

The GREAT news is that my skin is not as burnt as it could be.  According to the Dr. I have great genes (which my mother has already taken credit for).  I heal quickly, which is contrary to all the hub-bub I hear about people with diabetes healing slowly. I am doing EXTREMELY well with radiation.  A few of us have compared burns and I can truly say that I’m barely pink compared to some of the others.  One lady doesn’t wear a blouse at all, once she gets home because she’s so burnt. Poor thing. . and she’s just the sweetest lady I think I’ve ever met.

I also felt very honored today.  As I went in for my appointment this morning, my very terrific nurse stopped to ask me for my blog address.  She said that she, and a few of the other nurses, would like to read my posts to better understand the patient’s point of view.  She also said that since I’ve been so positive through my battle, they’d like to refer other patients to my blog for encouragement. I’m honored that they would like to share my journey with others and so PROUD of the staff for caring what the patient feels, says, understands and wanting to take that into consideration as they care for us.

So, to my newest readers. . WELCOME. . please feel free to leave a comment now and then. AND, I’ll see you everyday for the next few weeks!

Another update on Mom.  If you’ve read my prior posts, you’ll remember we were diagnosed with breast cancer the same week last year.  Her cancer had metastasized  to her sternum and pelvic bone.  She’s been taking a pill all this time and the tumor had started to shrink, but in the past few weeks, she’s started to feel pain again.  She will begin radiation in the coming week to treat those two outlying areas.  I don’t think she’ll have enough radiation to actually burn (thank goodness, she’s so fair-skinned) as she will have approximately 10 treatments in each location.  She’s doing well with this new development and I’m so proud of her for facing this new information with such grace. . I must’ve learned how to battle from her.  She’s a true amazon-warrior.
(to follow her journey go to: www.caringbridge.org/judyayers1)

We’ve got so much to look forward to this next week; Christmas eve service, Christmas morning with the girls, DH on vacation for a week. . YAY!  J, K and the two grand-dogs will arrive next week and we’ll have another Christmas with them.  This is such a time of celebration, reunion.  Blessings to you and yours this holiday season.  May you find the Peace that comes from Emmanuel; God with us. He really is. . with us.

I’ve been going in, every day, for radiation treatments.  This is a simple, non-invasive procedure that takes about 10 minutes.

When I first started, they dropped some ink on me, poked me with a needle to make a “tattoo” and did some 3d scans to map out my body. . and more specifically the left breast (which decided to raise a mutiny against the rest of my body.) They then take all those scans and use the tattoos to plan out how they will subject me to radiation without burning my lungs and heart, yet making sure they hit any breast cells which may be lurking.

**just a side note, that I found extremely interesting**
The Dr. said that usually, if cancer comes back after surgery, it appears just along the incision line.  Apparently, as they pull all the breast tissue out, occasionally, a few cells get caught in the incision and just get sewn back up.  Weird, right?

Ok. . so, back to the story. .
Every day, I go in to the dressing room, remove everything from the waist up and put on a very high-fashion hospital gown. (not really fashionable, but if I think it’s beautiful, maybe I’ll walk taller and with more confidence.)  I then wait to be called in.  Once I enter the radiation room, which I like to refer to as the “glow chamber”, I lay on a table that resembles a CT scanner.  They pull the table up under the machine, as if I’m getting an x-ray.  There are laser lights shooting all around the room and they use those lights to make sure I’m in proper position for the treatment.  They line up the red laser lines to the tattoos on my chest and sides and then make sure the radiation arm is also lined up.

The radiation arm can rotate all the way around the table.  They start with it at the “2 o’clock” position, move it below me to a 7-8 o’clock position, then right above me for two exposures.  It’s really quite fascinating and feels sort of “Star Trekish.”   It makes all sorts of mechanical clicking, humming, and whirring sounds and I keep thinking. . who figured this stuff out?  Who designed such a machine or decided, “hey, let’s throw radiation at her and see what happens.”

Anyways. . .it’s an easy procedure with few side effects. . Y E T.
I’m told to expect radiation burns on my breast and arm pit and some pretty serious fatigue after the 12-15th treatments.  OK. . .I’ve already fought through chemo, this can’t be that bad right?

So, I gave you all that background information to tell you this story. . .

There’s another patient that goes in just before me, every day.  I’ll call her “L” so she doesn’t find this and sue me.  I met her as she was coming out of her 2nd treatment and I was going in for #4.  She came out of the “glow chamber” complaining already about being nauseous and feeling horrible. Seriously, the first couple of treatments are like getting an xray.  Have you EVER been sick from getting an xray?  I figured, she’s gotten herself all worked up, not knowing what to expect and she’s feeling a little overwhelmed.  Well, I was wrong.

I see her every. single. day. and she complains. complains. complains.  I keep trying to answer her with a smile and a positive statement and she just lashes out with some negative craziness.  One day I tried the ol’ “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”  She just looked at me and said, “Well, this pretty much killed me.”

Today, she asked me what kind of cancer I had.  I told her, left breast “invasive ductile carcinoma, grade 3, stage 3A.”  She says, “no, I mean, what KIND was it?”  What?  I kept trying to answer her and she finally let me know what she was talking about.  Her cancer was responsive to HER2 (hormone responsive) so, I told her mine wasn’t responsive to hormones.  She says, “so, they don’t know what kind it is?”  Finally, after a few minutes of trying to figure out what she was talking about, I said, “My kind is called Triple Negative, because it’s not responsive to hormones. . ANY hormones.”  That seemed to satisfy her.

But, then she went on with how sick this is making her and how horrible she feels. . and how are you feeling?  I told her my skin was starting to get a little pink around the incision, I was starting to be a little tired, but it’s really too soon for me to have any symptoms.  The Dr. said I should start feeling REALLY tired by the end of the week.

They she let me in on her real pain. . .”I’m just so tired of this whole thing. Usually when you get sick, it’s over in a matter of weeks.  This is taking forever.” Yes, dear, it is.  I was diagnosed in March of this year and it looks like I’ll be returning to work at the end of February; one whole year later.  It reminded me of something my friend/boss keeps reminding me of: This is a marathon, not a sprint.

If you know you’re only going to running 1 mile, it’s pretty easy to stay excited and motivated.  The gun goes off and you tear off as fast your legs will carry you, and before you know it, it’s over.  This, however, is more like a marathon.  What’s worse. . its a marathon that you didn’t know you would be running, and certainly never trained for.  So, now you’re standing at the starting line, having no idea what to expect and all you know is you’ve got to finish.  I don’t know about you, but even when I was at my BEST physical condition, I would never attempt such a feat, let alone now.

I have several friends that do run marathons and triathlons.  They have ALL said that running a marathon is harder on you mentally than physically.  The focus and inner drive required is amazing.

So, in honor of “L” I want to say that this is tough.  I don’t always have the best attitude either.  Even the best trained runners question their abilities around mile 19.  We’re in the home stretch “L”, you’ve just hit your wall. . dig deep and find the strength to finish this race.  Even if you hate it, you’ll look back and think. . look what I accomplished that year.  I saved my life.  This isn’t the end of the road, just a turn. . but that finish line is just up ahead and it’s got YOUR name on it.  Let’s do this!

Each year, this day seems to change for me.  My very first WDD was in 2009.  I was new to the DOC (Diabetes Online Community) and had just started finding blogs and people to follow on twitter.  I had started forming some relationships with others and was so excited when Cherise asked me to attend a luncheon downtown.  I couldn’t wait to meet her. .afterall, she was one of my DOC heroes and she wanted to meet ME! OMG!  Not only did I get to meet her, but also Scott, Sir Bob and Sarah Jane to boot!  It was fantastic!  That WDD was a small circle of this new community I had joined. . all of us banding together in blue. . sort of like musketeers. . all for one and one for all!

Last year. . that circle grew.  My hubby and I did the Big Blue Test, I spent the day on twitter, chatting it up with this larger community I’d become a part of.  My workplace was quite aware of WDD as I was all dressed up in blue, wore my IDF pin and shared the news with them all.

This year, that circle grew even bigger.  Not only have I met even more of my twitter “rock stars” this year, but WDD spread throughout the rest of my community as well.  I had friends from church, family from out of state, people I know through DH’s civic responsibilities. . so many people joining in, wearing blue, sending photos and cheering us on.

I think, however, I’m most proud of our first step into advocacy this year.  DH sent an email to his HR department, asking if something could be done to recognize Diabetes Awareness Month.  They were delighted to help and setup a dress-down day in which employees could donate for the privilege of wearing jeans to work.  I sent over some additional information about diabetes programs and WDD opportunities.  The whole company chipped in and we were able to make a donation to Diabetes Hands Foundation.  YAY!

Additionally, following a civic meeting, DH mentioned to TD of City PR and Communications, that we would like to talk to him about turning the Olathe City fountain blue in honor of the month.  Again, I sent over information about Diabetes Awareness Month and WDD and the IDF Monument Challenge.  Wouldn’t it be great to see OUR city on that list of monuments?!  Wow!  Unfortunately, the fountain was scheduled for winterization,   however, TD forwarded our request to others to see what could be done.  We were thrilled to hear that the monument in front of City Hall would be lit in blue lights this month!  I forwarded the news to the IDF and within a few hours, the list read: United States, City Hall, Olathe KA.  And here it is. . .

My diabetes world has grown exponentially over these past two years.  We felt so alone that first year; not knowing anyone else dealing with diabetes. . until twitter and the DOC changed all that.  My diabetes world has gone from that small, lonely existence to being a worldwide family!  I’ve met fellow PWD from everywhere!  I’ve gotten my little city, recognized on an international level.  I’m feeling pretty happy with the growth I’ve experienced; but not satisfied.

I now imagine what is possible if I will just try, ask, be willing to hear no.  I remember years of sales training telling me the only deal you won’t make is the deal you won’t ask for.  I won’t be timid anymore.  I will ask. . . again and again.  I’m hoping next year I can plan a formal “Lighting” ceremony at City Hall, with vendor tables, information booths, PWD from all over Olathe, coming to hear about the advances that have been made, new ways to self-manage their diabetes and letting them know that support is available to them 24/7, maybe a flash mob event and offering them the opportunity to participate in the Big Blue Test.

After that?  Who knows. . . I’m still dreamin’.

The visit starts off with the usual catching up. . “what’s been going on in your life since the last time?” he asks.  Well, I went into a narrative of my surgeries, my infection, my neuropathy, my radiation treatments. . . he listened, leaned back in his chair and smiled at me, then said,”you are pretty amazing to me.”  What?  Wha?  He continued, “You’ve really been through alot this past year and you’re in good spirits and thriving.  In the medical profession, I see so many people in different situations and coping at different levels.  I just think you’re a really strong, amazing person.”

Wow!  I do hear that from others and I’m happy they see my strength, (which is not my own, btw. .rather from my faith) and my warrior mentality.  He told me that he admires a Buddhist saying. “There are two kinds of problems; those with solutions and those without.  If yours is a problem with a solution, then apply the solution and move on.  If there isn’t one. . move on anyway and stop fretting about it.” That was a Dr. R paraphrase. . but, I like it.  I told him that I definitely have moments when I break down.  My poor husband and mother get to hear most of that.  But, I try to be a positive, upbeat person, so I allow myself to feel the down times, but refuse to wallow in it.  I give myself an hour to really cry, boo-hoo and blame everything under the sun for my situation and then, I need to go clean something.

After all this mutual admiration, he checked my eyes, my neck and lymph nodes and my feet.  Ahhh, my feet.  The last four treatments of chemotherapy left me with peripheral neuropathy. It’s most painful at night, with my feet burning and feeling like someone is stepping on them, but numb on the bottom.  I’ll never figure out how I can be numb and in pain at the same time. . but, there it is.  The pain radiates up into my calves and feels like someone is grinding away at my calf muscles.  I’ve been taking narcotic pain killers, just to be able to fall asleep at night and I end up waking up exactly four hours later, requiring another dose.

He poked around my feet and said, “how did you injure your foot here?”  What?  I haven’t injured my foot.  He continued poking around in front of my left ankle, “Oh, this is definitely an injury of some kind, you have a large swollen area here; looks like you’re building up quite a hematoma.”  Seriously, I have NO recollection of hurting my foot.  I insisted I had no idea that I’d injured my foot recently.  He smiled up, “Aha. . that’s what neuropathy is all about.  That’s why we check for you.  You’re obviously unable to feel your feet correctly and something has happened here.  It looks like a sprain maybe or you banged your foot against something.”  I have no idea. . but, I’m supposed to ice it up at any rate.

So some refilled prescriptions, a different med to help with the nerve pain, some sample insulin to keep in case my pump dies again, some more small talk and admiration and another appointment in 3 months.  Oh, and did I mention? My A1c is 6.3!  Woot!  I expected it to be much higher with all the surgeries and infection.  I head toward the door and he stops me to say. . “if you need anything, you call me, even if it’s not diabetes related.  I don’t offer that to everyone. . just the fighters.”  Thank you Dr. R.  I’ll be back soon enough.

• I’ve been able to stand in the shower, for the whole shower AND while drying off.
• My hair has finally grown enough that it lays down on top of my head. (this was today’s celebration!)
• I changed both my infusion set AND my CGM sensor last night with no “stingers” or “bleeders.”
• I reached out with my left arm as I worked on things today and the pain is gone.
• I stopped by my office yesterday and they were in the middle of a computer conversion.  To help with the stress, the wonderful executive team arranged for a reflexologist to come in and give the employees a foot massage. Talk about being at the right place at the right time! They had one opening available and I jumped on it.

So, I guess you could say, my stock is rising.  I like that.

It’s easy to focus on the badness; the pain, the fear, the setbacks, the bad A1c, the high BG, the low BG, the feeling that you’re out of control. . . .

Or, you can realize that things go up and down and up and down, but they’re always trending up.

Think back over your life and think of some times when you were really feeling low.  Aren’t you better off today than you were back then, even on your worst day?

So, I can think back to 2009 when I was diagnosed with diabetes, my A1c was 13.8, I had no idea what to do or if I was going to die.  I changed Drs., got on insulin, met some people who’ve really helped, done alot of research online, read a few books. . and today, I’m managing quite well with an A1c of 6.8.

Then in March of this year I was told I had breast cancer.  Again, I had no idea what that meant, what was in store for me or if I was going to die.  Guess what? I’ve made it through the worst of it. I’ve been told I’m going to live a long and healthy life and now we just work on getting my body back.

Up, down, up, down. . . and so it goes.  Celebrate the “moments of wonderful,” (to borrow a phrase from Sara) even if it seems like a tiny, little accomplishment to others.  In fact, it’s the little things that propel us ever upward.